Sex Therapy

WHAT IS SEX THERAPY?  Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy that addresses the relational, cognitive, emotional, physical and psycho-social factors influencing one’s sexual experience. No sexual activity or sexual surrogacy is performed during sex therapy. An AASECT Certified Sex Therapist is a licensed psychotherapist with several years of very extensive, specialized training and supervision in sexuality and treating clients with sexual concerns. Therefore an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist has an informed awareness and comprehensive understanding of sexuality that surpasses personal opinions, bias and cultural narratives. Consumer Note: Legally in Arizona, any therapist can call themselves a "Sex Therapist" or say they provide "Sex Therapy" even without any training or knowledge of sexuality. Only with AASECT Certified Sex Therapists can you rest assured that your therapist has received extensive, specialized training in sexuality, has demonstrated competency under supervision, and is therefore highly qualified to address your sexual issues in therapy. Visit www.AASECT.org to learn more about what it takes to become a Certified Sex Therapist.

Creating a safe setting where you can discuss your sexual concerns without judgment, embarrassment or shame is essential in Sex Therapy. The process begins with a thorough assessment that often includes a sexual history. Following this assessment, we will create a meaningful treatment plan with specific goals for your therapy.

Sex therapy may involve reading assignments, at-home practice activities, self-exploration, journaling, relaxation and sensate exercises, viewing educational DVDs, on-line media and other experiential activities custom-designed to help you cultivate a relaxed, authentic and satisfying sex life.

EROTICISM IN COUPLES.   As a Sex Therapist I specialize in cultivating eroticism in love relationships.  Often I see couples who neglect the eroticism in their relationship, re-directing it elsewhere, or shutting it down altogether. Many of us don't communicate honestly about our sexual preferences, turn-ons and deeply rooted erotic desires. Others of us have tried and been hurt, shamed, rejected or shut-down. Talking honestly about our sexuality with our partner is difficult for most people because it's extremely vulnerable. We don't want to hurt our partner's feelings, we don't want to be rejected by our partner, sometimes we don't know what to say. Basically, we're afraid it won't go well so we avoid the topic or argue about it in ways perpetuate the problems.

The longer we neglect or avoid sex, the harder it becomes to engage our partner sexually. Sexual overtures often start feeling awkward and contrived. Over time, avoiding sex can breed anger, resentment, hurt, sadness, distance and insecurity in our relationships. As days turn into weeks, weeks into months, then months into years…you might find yourself wondering "What happened to our sex life?" 

Committed love and erotic desire are two very different aspects of a relationship. Just because you have one, doesn't mean you have the other. Love is fueled by closeness, care-taking, reliability and trust. Love thrives in the security and comfort of having, while erotic desire is fueled by the energy of wanting. Eroticism is experienced through curiosity, imagination, anticipation and letting go of our responsibilities for a while. Eroticism is playful, adventurous and uncertain.

We are born with needs for both security (love, connection) and adventure (eroticism, autonomy), although some of us want more security while others want more adventure. Reconciling these needs in your relationship in a way that revitalizes your relationship is my expertise. 

Sexuality changes as we change, as our lives change and as our circumstances change. Over our lifetimewe will have many sexualities. Learning how to adapt, evolve and co-create as an erotic team is the key. I help couples become allied and empowered to create a mutually satisfying sexual relationship that adapts to the changing landscape of their lives together.